Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Put My Foot In It

Ever since I've started blogging, my life has been an open book...

My life has always been chaos, mostly by my own doing than anyone elses. And due to that I've lived with all the consequences and regrets... and misunderstandings...

And it is all there... laid out on the pages of my blog for the whole world to see. My life became open to scrutiny.

I know I'm considered cantankerous by some people... and I admit I do have the talent of saying the wrong things all the time... in person, on the telephone, on e-mails, in my blog, etc. So basically it is time for me to shut up and find my shell again.

Brilliant examples... One morning, I got up and blurry eyed and thought I sent a really thoughtful e-mail, thinking that I was trying to explain things and be really caring about things. Instead I've made things worse.

I've done that on chat to another person too... thinking that my sentence was joking and cheerful and the person took offence thinking that I was checking on the person. And when I tried to explain, it turned horrible.

On SMS to another person where, where I was trying to be supportive, it was misread and the person thought I was being patronising and lead to a huge misunderstanding.

On my blog, I wrote what I observed and was gunned down for it.

I'm not saying it's anybody else's fault. It is purely mine. I wish I could take everything I've said and wrote that unintentionally hurt the people that I care about... but I can't. Wish I could just crawl back into my shell...

But I can't... but I can fix one thing... my blog.

I should have kept my blog impersonal. I should have just left it as a place for me to put up things that I sketch and talk about things that I've learnt and observed... and just pictures of the food that I cooked.

But I let it all laid bare... and now I can't really take it back.... but I guess I could slowly mould it back into something impersonal.

And as for my communication with my sister... I guess I will create another private blog somewhere just for my on going letter to her. And maybe oneday transfer things over and close a chapter to this blog.

For all I know... I'm saying the wrong things now... I dream of a simple life...


Blogger Cheeky said...

Hey hun,
i dont actually agree with what you say because if people knew you then they should know you better than to find you patronising or offensive. That is the problem with communicating non verbally sometimes is that things can be read wrong or misinterpreted which i have found happens more when the other person may be down or upset.
But if somebody has done this then shouldnt they just ask what you meant or how you meant what you said instead of naturally assuming?? i quite like reading your blog and i personally dont think you should close it just to pictures of food etc and if i remember right you were always the one saying to me to stop worry about everyone else and what they think.

hugs hun

8/29/2006 06:48:00 pm  
Blogger yati said...

babes... thanks for that. i'm glad you enjoy reading my blog... writing it is not a problem... what's in it is. and as i said, i have problems with words... and probably my actions too... and these have cost me dearly. as i said, no one else but me is to blame.

i'm not looking for any sympathy or, probably, support. i hold my hands up to this.

this won't make sense to anyone but me...

thanks again... and hope to see you soon!


8/30/2006 06:55:00 am  
Anonymous seb said...

You're not the only one with that problem.
I don't want to start a blog for that very reason.
See BBC article

8/30/2006 12:16:00 pm  
Blogger The Peong said...

Having recently woken up to the fact that my words and my actions do not always coincide with one another, let alone my intentions, I would hate to see you stop blogging because you feel people don't understand you. I know what it is like to try to make yourself understood and only make things worse (I've been doing it pretty consistently for almost 2 months now), and I'm pretty sure that other people do as well. As cheesey as it sounds, don't give up. And remember that there are people who understand, and like to hear what you have to say.

8/31/2006 07:16:00 am  
Blogger yati said...

guys... thanks for this. but i know i'm in the wrong... and it's not just about my blog. i do have the tendency of saying the wrong things all the time. but i guess that's me... and again... thanks for the support and for reading my blog!

and the peong... of course i won't give up.

9/02/2006 09:10:00 am  

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