Sunday, August 20, 2006

Don't I Deserve a Bit of Respect?

We were out last night and the conversation some how went to rules and then rules in Islam. Don't ask me how as I never instigate anything. One thing I try to keep away from is to speak about my religion to people who don't really seem interested in it... and as I myself feel that I have limited knowledge about it, I really don't want to explain what I can't.

But for some people to start talking about it, with the limited amount of what they know and stretch it to their advantage seem to be disrespectful to me. I don't want to seem the party pooper so I just laughed it off... even though I was really embarassed and a bit sad about the disrespect that was shown towards me and my religion. And even if I try to explain, they won't understand.

I did get some sympathetic look from some and a statement of 'How do you cope?'... which part of me feel thankful about. I don't like to be sympathised... but somehow, those little gestures seem to be more of them trying to say... I don't understand but I don't agree how this conversation is going out of respect to you.

I was hurting... and I know if I voice any disagreement, I would be put down for not understanding that it is all just a joke. But sometimes... there's just so much 'joke' that I can take. And it's moments like those that makes me think that I don't belong here.

I'm lost again...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my opinion, to handle the topic of religions (plural) one has to be objective and apply the statement which is thrown out about one as a question which applies to 'all' religions.

Silence, just like defensiveness are also disrespectful to the religion in which you said you believe in. The point is, if some people say they don't understand something in which you say you believe in, you cannot blame them for not being able to understand it if you who believe it also say you don't know much about it. It sounds harsh but it is objectively true.

You have chosen to live in a free countries in which the majority believes in the opposite of your own belief. You cannot expect people to tiptoe around the topic in which they don't understand if you as a believer dont understand it either.

I guess, you have to choose friends/your company on a different basis if such issue/differences of opinion is offensive to you. If you have had the conversation in a pub is even more disrespectful to be offended than it is to disagree. It is a pub!

that is my opinion and I don't get offended if you disagree. After all, may be you don't belong there because you are truly lost. Until you find yourself, you will never be at peace and will be offended by others simply because they at least have a place/stand on something and you don't.

8/20/2006 06:59:00 pm  
Blogger yati said...

i do have to agree... i was in a pub and i guess i should really have taken this into consideration:

8/20/2006 07:07:00 pm  
Blogger Ms J said...

babes, without trying to turn this into an academic debate..i think the best thing to do when in such situation is to say 'hey, i may not know my religion well but dont put it down, like i dont put down another religion'. whatever you do, if oyu feel offended deep down inside, you should not then laugh it off for fear of being a party pooper..because u then put priority about how YOU seem and not about oyur religion and you will feel worse about it.

perhaps its time to spend some quiet time to think about you and your relationship with religion vs spirituality. at the end of the day, you cant say you are a muslim while holding beer in your hands. we are ambassadors of our religion via our actions.

8/21/2006 05:08:00 am  
Anonymous JulesD said...

Personally, I think you have taken it all the wrong way. The people in that pub on that evening were not laughing at you and your religion, they were laughing at us and our situation. This is bound to happen in relationships where the couple come from different social and religious backgrounds.

I for one would rather joke about the DIFFERENCES in our ways than go to war about it.

You don't get to choose where you come from, but you can choose where you go.

You have choosen already to be in a place where your culture is not the norm, so to some degree you have to accept the culture of the people around you. This doesn't mean you have to agree with evertything that is said, but rather understand why the differences do raise questions.

Don't take it all to heart, but do try to realise that in a relationship between 2 people of different race, culture and religion, very deep and confusing questions will arise between them and test their own values. Sometimes the 'right' answer for one side will be the 'wrong' answer for the other.

At these times... the best thing to do is laugh. If you get hung up on it, then bigger issues arise.

Keep smiling girl and look for the posatives, because it is when you look for the negatives that you will end up being lost.


8/21/2006 10:58:00 am  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Yati, you have every right to feel all those things. It isn't easy to deal with such situations, but I have Muslim friends who struggle with those issues too. And I have friends from the Middle East who are Christian and get wrongly labeled. I would suggest that the key is compassion, clarity and communication. Say what you need to say, with as much compassion as you have, in hopes they might hear and understand and broaden their perspective...

Thanks for sharing. ;-)

8/22/2006 12:48:00 pm  
Blogger The Peong said...

Keeping in mind that i live in a country where political correctness has replaced common sense, and that for all intents and purposes to all major religions I would be considered an atheist, I think it is highly disrespectful to joke about issues that are close to someones person. This always changes depending on the comfort level you have with a certain group of people. For example I can make jokes with my wife about her background, that I would never make in mixed company mainly because there is an understanding of intent between us. I tend to find that people in general are far too sensitive, and need to laugh more at themselves, but at the same time if you are finding it hard to laugh, you need to let people know that you are uncomfortable. I would hope that the people you surround yourself with are good enough and sensitive enough people to understand. Know that the craptastic events occuring around the world are in some sense repsonsible for conversations like this, and for your level of discomfort as well. That being said, you shouldn't discount your own feelings, and neither should your friends.

8/22/2006 03:48:00 pm  
Blogger yati said...

thank you everybody. i appreciate every single comment... you guys took the time to sit and think about it... and each opinion helps. now it's my turn to sit and let it all sink in and have a better understanding of things...


8/23/2006 06:46:00 am  

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